Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
