Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
