guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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