There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
