He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
