glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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