I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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