Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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