Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
