hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
