I heard we made out
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize