you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
