come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
