So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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