Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
