Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
