im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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