It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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