Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
