insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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