you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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