you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize