He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
