chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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