I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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