talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
