I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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