I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
