so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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