It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
