I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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