we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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