It's like God shit irony all over that family
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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