I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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