Walk of Shame. In a state park.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
