last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
