your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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