the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
