I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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