she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
