No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
