I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
