trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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