Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
