She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Bring me that man meat
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize