p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize