I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
