I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize