just come out here and I will go home with you...
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
