It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
