you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
