Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
