good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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