He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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