You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
