he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
