you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I touched a dick in church today
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