Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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