i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week đ
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes âI drove you last nightâ\nâYou got your dick sucked in the back seatâ
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