I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
