FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
