Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
