So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
