i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
