Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
