Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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