she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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