My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
