well you can't waste a boner
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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