yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Boobs speak an international language.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
