so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She even gives head with a lisp.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
