I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
