Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
