Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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