I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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