Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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