I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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